3 Years

If blogs could collect dust mine would have the most amount right now, but I have had a lot on my mind lately and decided this would be a good place to share my thoughts.  August has become a month where I reflect on my life and the person I am becoming.  It is a time where I make resolutions, and choose to change the things that will help me be a better person.

Today marks 3 years since losing Laney.

Last night, me and Gilby went to the cemetery and spent a few rainy minutes at Laney's grave.  August 12th, 2011, I was lucky enough to spend the night with Laney playing flag football.  I will forever be grateful for that.

The day was going as usual, I was being my lazy self, laying in bed after a long, hot day outside at work.  The last thing I would have ever wanted to do was go outside and be in the sun again, but Taleas called me and persistently tried to persuade me to come down to the park and play football with everyone.  As I tried to think of excuse after excuse of why I couldn't come, I heard Laney in the background yell, "Get down here! Think of all the times you have ditched me this summer!"  So with that I was up and at it, and had such a fun night playing football with some of my favorite people.  Had I known that was the last time I would get to be with Lane, I would have done things differently. This brings me to my thoughts lately.

As I was working yesterday, I became very sad thinking about this last time I was with Laney.  I wish so much I would have told her how much I loved her, or how grateful I am for her friendship and the time I have gotten to spend with her.  There is so much I would have told her, and it breaks my heart that I didn't.  So as I sat, very heavy hearted, in the middle of the park on my little mower, I called my mother.  And she simply said, "Kelli, this is life."

Last week, me and Gilby talked about Lane and how we wish we could go back.  Gilby sent me a talk by President Uchtdorf called "Of Regrets and Resolutions."  In the talk, it discusses how we can get so caught up in the busyness of life that we let opportunities to spend time with those we love pass us by.  One of the biggest realizations I have come to through this trial is the fact that life is SO precious.  We never know how much time we have with the people we love.

President Uchtdorf states:

        "Let us resolve to cherish those we love by spending meaningful time with them, doing things together, and cultivating treasured memories."

As my mom said, experiencing the trial of death is a necessary part of life. God gives us these trials in order for us to learn and grow. I hope that I can make the things that matter most, the most important thing in my life always.  I am going to spend more time with my family and friends, and show them how much I care about them.  Not by declaring my love for them every minute like it may be their last, but by serving them. Just like Laney always did.  Or by being a better friend.  Like Laney always was to me.  I miss Laney more than words can say, but I am so grateful for the example she was to me and continues to be.  And I am especially grateful for the knowledge I have that I will see her again.