One year. And I am still here at a loss for words. Losing Laney is one of the hardest trials I have had to face. As I look back over the past year, every single feeling is still there. I still feel the heartbreak. I still am trying to understand. I still question how it's fair.
Time doesn't heal everything. I believe you learn to live with your heartbreaks, your scars. You learn to live with these moments that change your life. The path you are on changes and you learn to follow it. There is no choice, you have to learn.
What I have learned is I don't always have to think of the bad. I don't have to think it's unfair that she was taken. I don't have to look back and think of the things I would have done differently, the things I would have said to her if I would have known. I have learned when these feelings of sadness and loneliness come to think of the good. I try to look at it with hope. To think of every Monday night we spent at the park together (along with just about every other day of the week). Or all our memories of basketball -- climbing Mt. Everest, Dew runs before the games, BH (this is different than BHP haha), bus rides, and Julio. Or the nights we spent at my kitchen counter or outside laying in the grass just talking about life and our futures. Hope is vital to overcoming any heartache or trial.
And even though the feelings of sadness and loneliness are still a huge part of my life, I have learned not to dwell on them. I know that's not what Laney would want for any of us. She would want us to be happy and to live our lives to the fullest. To choose the right and endure to the end. The example and testimony she left for all of us leaves no question of what she wants for us.
I am so grateful for the time I got to share with Laney. For her friendship and her example. I am grateful to know this life isn't the end and we will see her again.
Love you Lane!
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